yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
