I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize