when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
