capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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