I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
