so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I forget how to act sober
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
