You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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