You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
