Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
