Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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