New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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