Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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