Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
