you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
