i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
