you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
