im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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