Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
