he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
