those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
