As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
