I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
