i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
