paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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