Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think my fart just growled at me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
