Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Couch. On fire.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
