I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
