You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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