Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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