"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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