My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
