So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
