dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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