His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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