Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
