yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Randomize
