My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I smell like Dick and happiness
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
