She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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