i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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