so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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