Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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