you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
