so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
