I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
