at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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