We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
