I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
