i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
