I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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