we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
