I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
