I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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