That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
this beer tastes like vomit already
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
