I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
