Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i came on her dog
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
