On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
