so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
