using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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