wanna go halves on a baby?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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