I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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