Michael Bay diarrhea
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
