i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
