he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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