My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
