so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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