I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
