Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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