I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
