ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
