i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All the doctor said was why
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
