Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
